Building Emotional Intelligence through Choices

The definition of “choosing” includes making the best decisions possible. In everyday life we make choices that define who we are. At the same time, the choices we make determine just how successful or unsuccessful we are. When we choose to exercise, then we are choosing to be healthy. Equally essential to maintaining a physically healthy lifestyle is making emotionally wholesome choices that lead to healthy behaviors.

The ability to choose a reaction to an emotion builds emotional intelligence. Those people who are emotionally intelligent have an advantage in dealing with life. There is, however, a huge distinction between emotions and the behaviors triggered by those emotions. If you are angry with someone, then anger is your emotion. If you attack the person with whom you are angry, then that is a behavior triggered by your anger. Emotionally intelligent people make the choice not to respond to a negative emotion with a negative behavior. This is a lesson that Black Belts understand and practice each and every day.

Do you make emotionally intelligent choices? Answer the following questions to test your emotional IQ:

1. If someone spread a nasty rumor about you that hurt your feelings, would you:

1. Use physical aggression to get back at the person?

2. Spread equally negative rumors about the person?

3. Ignore the rumors and approach the person to solve the problem in a positive way?

2. If someone called you bad names that offended you, would you:

1. Hit the person?

2. Call the person names in retaliation?

3. Remain emotionally calm and not let the words trigger a negative behavior?

3. If someone told you that he or she did not like you because of how you dress, would you?

1. Get into a negative confrontation with that person?

2. Go to a store and buy new clothes so that the person would like you?

3. Ignore the person because you are happy with the style that you wear?

If you answered “c” to all of the above, then you are an emotionally intelligent person. You recognize that you have choices regarding your reactions. Your feelings may be hurt by others, but you recognize that negative reactions to your feelings will only make things worse. Instead, you choose to take the high road, which is the best choice possible and a true sign of emotional intelligence.

Making good choices is a learned skill. It is not something that we are born with. We must practice making good choices and acknowledge when we fail to do so. Inevitably we will make some bad choices. However, if we learn from those bad choices then we will become more emotionally intelligent.

There are so many aspects of life that we cannot control. We cannot control the weather, we cannot control certain aspects of our health, but one thing we have total control over is how we react to others. If we understand this completely, then we will live far more successful and positive lives.